When you start dating someone and the excitement of a new relationship is on the horizon, it can be difficult to figure out if you are falling in love with them or simply in lust. The beginning of any relationship is purely magical; the moment you first lay eyes on each other, to the moment you have your first kiss, it’s a feeling like no other. That being said, the initial stages of a true relationship that will turn into love does mimic infatuation – this can be easily confused and while things might be going all too well, the relationship can fail before it gets started because of it. So how can we tell the difference between a relationship that will last with love and one that will topple over with lust? Is it love or infatuation?
What Really Is Infatuation?
In the stage of initial attraction, the dating stage and early periods of the relationship are when infatuation and love can be mostly crossed-over, but you’ll soon be able to tell if it’s turning into a real commitment or not. Infatuation you can associate with the more crazy side of love. While we aren’t all Beyonce, there’s a fine line between being crazy-in-love and crazy-in-lust.
Feelings can take over control and create a mixed bag of emotions such as intense desire, urgency, anxiety, intensity and jealousy. These overwhelming feelings are taking a toll on your judgement, however. But it doesn’t matter as long as you hit your next euphoric high. Extreme passion, while a gateway for incredible sex, can be detrimental to your relationship’s health; if things move too fast, it will come crashing down just as quickly.
What Really Is True Love?
Unlike in fairytales, you won’t find your true love by a first kiss – but they can still feel pretty close to it! True love is something most people dream of finding but have a hard time identifying it, even when it’s in front of their face. Affection, adoration, selflessness, trust and unconditional care are just some of the emotions that you can associate with real love.
When it’s true love, your partner is your best friend. You’re there for each other no matter what has happened, you work together to keep the relationship alive and you’re both considerate of the other person before taking action.
Love is the most precious and slow ride you can enjoy, taking the time to learn about your partner, whom you can rely on 100 percent. Love is when you see your partner and feel the instant wave of calm as if you are coming home. So, how can you figure out if you are in love or lust? Try these few steps if you want to see your relationship in a clearer way before you get in too deep.
Find A New Perspective
Taking a proper step back from the relationship to look at it as a whole can help when figuring out if it’s love or infatuation; say a friend is talking to you about your new relationship like it’s their own, what would you tell them if they described the relationship to you? Would you tell them it sounds like it might not work out, or would you tell them to go for it?
Being lost in infatuation can be hard to separate from as intense and toxic feelings can overtake any sense of logic and reason. If you can’t find a new perspective, that’s an answer in itself – being so head-over-heels for someone can ultimately cloud your judgement and your brain chemistry is controlling your actions, rather than your heart.
Connection Versus Sexual Desire
While it’s important to be sexually attracted to your partner, it can be easy to confuse your sexual desire for a serious connection. You may think wanting to be near your partner all the time is a sign of love, but actually it’s more related to your sex drive than matters of the heart. If you’re thinking with your privates rather than what your heart is saying, while feeling easily jealous and possessive, it’s infatuation. If you feel a close emotional attachment, a deeper connection and real intimacy with your partner, as well as strong confidence in the relationship’s stability, all signs are pointing to love.
Trust The Process
A relationship that is one with infatuation and desire eventually dies off. Some people can’t bear to let these relationships go. Rather than trying to force a love connection with this person and take the relationship well past its expiration date, learn to accept they aren’t the one and let it go. Time will tell whether the relationship flourishes or fails; love is when both people accept each other’s flaws and love them for it anyway, as well as putting the other person before yourself. Infatuation can become a selfish, lonesome journey but eventually, the desire will fade and you will see that it is false love.
If this is you, remember that there is someone out there that will be completely and utterly in love with you and you deserve to find happiness and fulfilment of a successful crazy-in-love relationship.
While you’re here, check out Dr.Lurve’s insider tips on how to make the best out of your Valentine’s Day if you’re single.